i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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