Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
