I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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