Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
