McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
