im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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