I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
