I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
