so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
