Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
