I got chris browned last night
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
