I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
