I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
