My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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