I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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