If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
