can we get nightvision for the apartment?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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