I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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