Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
