in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I didn't notice because vodka
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
