Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
