Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
