so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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