I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
