no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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