She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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