It's Friday. Sex?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
