Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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