After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i out mim tonsoeep
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