shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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