It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
