is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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