did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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