Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
