what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
