Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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