I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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