what day is it and did you see me today?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
