She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
