He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
