I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
