My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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