I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
