it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
