she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
