you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
