listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
