brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
