Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
