We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
