you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
