I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
