No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
