i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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