giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
